I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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