Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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