also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
