Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
