i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
