Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
