Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
