question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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