She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize