The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize