But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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