I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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