Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
