So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
