the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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