I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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