My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
