i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
