How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
