i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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