Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
