"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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