Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I believe in your delicious
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
