haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
