It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
