You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So vagazzling was a success
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
