So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
