I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
