well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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