this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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