I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
