shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
