I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
