Screwed.edu
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your penis caused this!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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