No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
