Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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