The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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