Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
