The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
