I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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