ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I look better un-naked...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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