alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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