girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
