just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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