I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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