I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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