is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
