i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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