SEEEEXXX PLEASE
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
