So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
