Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
