I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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