My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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