I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My dick has a subreddit
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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