and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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