So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
