omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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