i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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