____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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