capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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