i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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