yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
