I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize